The “Galaxy S20 Tactical Edition” is a shock-and-awe campaign against reality

The most industry-leading and innovative division of Samsung—the marketing department—has conjured a new version of the Galaxy S20 out of thin air. Samsung has produced a press release and website breathlessly touting the “Samsung Galaxy S20 Tactical Edition (TE),” a “mission-ready smartphone solution tailored to the unique needs of operators in the federal government and Department of Defense (DoD).” It seems to be a regular Galaxy S20, but in a case.

Samsung’s marketers are really going for it here. Let’s go over some of these bullet points. The Galaxy S20 Tactical Edition “easily connects to tactical radios and mission systems, out of the box, ensuring seamless operations.” How does the S20 TE accomplish such a feat? Well, with “Multi-ethernet capabilities” like “private SIM, 5G, Wi-Fi 6 and CBRS.” My god, it has Wi-Fi and cellular access! What an incredible warfighting machine.

The enemy will never see you coming, thanks to “Stealth mode,” which will “disable LTE and mute all RF broadcasting for complete off-grid communications.” A mere civilian would need airplane mode to turn off their phone radios, but this is stealthier, presumably due to the lack of jet-engine noises? There’s also a “night-vision mode,” which “allows the operator to turn the display on or off when wearing night-vision eyewear.” Samsung appears to be describing a power button, which hopefully works even when you aren’t wearing night-vision goggles.

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